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A common theme among survivors of catastrophic illness such as cancer is a shift from the needs of others to the needs of self. Such a massive turn around in psychological orientation evidently releases tremendous healing energy. Perhaps such changes stimulate the release of healing neuropeptides. But whatever the physiological mechanism, focusing on the authentic needs of the self is healing.
I have a friend who experienced this many years ago. She had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and told to get her affairs in order. She went home and announced to her astonished family that she was leaving them. She said that since her life was ending, she was going to do something she always wanted to—visit Japan. She took off for Tokyo and had such a good time visiting Japan and the rest of Asia, the cancer went into remission!
Building Emotional Immunity
It is fairly well known that we can strengthen our physical immune systems by making lifestyle changes. But it is less known that we can strengthen our emotional immune systems as well.
The first task is to recognize if one is suffering from a weak emotional immune system. A healthy emotional immune system is based upon having the ability to recognize one's authentic needs (as opposed to wants) and the internal permission to take care of those needs. It also includes a clear sense of oneself as an autonomous being, separate from others.
Now this sometimes poses problems for people on a spiritual path. This is because from the level of the heart, we recognize that we are all One. We see that there is one life, one consciousness living through multitudinous forms. There is a natural feeling of interconnectedness with others when the heart space is activated. And from the vantage point of higher consciousness, there is no self separate from anyone else anyway.
And while this is true, it is also true that we have bodies that are separate from other bodies. And the innate intelligence of our biology dictates that we honor those differences. If we don't, we will get ill. Our immune systems follow this irrevocable law of nature.
Our emotional immune systems also follow this law. If we don't become aware of psychologically toxic elements and avoid them, we will become ill, either physically or emotionally.
I hope by now that it has become clear that Emotional Cancer is created by violating one's sense of self. This usually occurs due to some kind of abuse. And while physical, sexual and emotional abuse are fairly recognized, there is one form of abuse that often slips by unnoticed. I call it spiritual abuse.
In its simplest form, spiritual abuse leads one down a path of forgetting the self. One's needs are supplanted by an ideal that is perceived as far loftier than one's mere self. This kind of spiritual robbery shows up in a myriad of forms and no spiritual lineage is immune to it. If you find yourself involved in a group or a teaching that denies the validity of your feelings and/or dishonors your needs, then I suggest you get "the hell out of Dodge!"
My reason for saying this is that the root of the word "holy" means "to make whole." That which increases our wholeness is sacred and that which decreases our wholeness is profane. The task of re-membering oneself through the cultivation of emotional awareness is holy work.
Finally, the way to protect our emotional immunity is to pay attention to our needs. First, we have to give ourselves permission to recognize that we have them. And, secondly, we have to find a way to integrate our needs into the myriad demands of our daily life. This is no small task, especially in a society that seems hell bent on avoiding self-awareness.
There can be a lot of social pressure for one to remain unconscious around one's authentic needs and feelings—especially in "spiritual communities." I have found, for instance, that those who are uncomfortable with their own needs and feelings, are often uncomfortable with other people's needs and feelings.
What do you do with your feelings when they run counter to those around you? What do you do when your needs are different from those around you? These are crucial questions and how you answer them will have a significant impact on your "emotional immunity."
For those choosing the holy work of re-membering the self, there is no other way. One must find the means to be honest with one's self and to accommodate one's needs while living in a world that discourages self-awareness and honesty.
It's a tough one, but it is one of the best games in town.
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